I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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