of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
