Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
