as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
