i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
