I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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