Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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