Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I forget how to act sober
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
