so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
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it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
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Who wants vodka and apple sauce
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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