Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
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1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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