I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
