If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
