Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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