Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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