So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
