she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He? As in you personified your dick?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
