sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She bit a glass in half.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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