My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
