I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Floor bacon is actually really good
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
