if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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