There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
