I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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