i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize