i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
