dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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