Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
