You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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