I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
