you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
