Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
