Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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