I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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