i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
