Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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