There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
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i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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