it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
