i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
