I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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