I wish I only lived at night.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
