I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
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Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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