Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
