I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
