We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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