The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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