he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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