Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize