I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
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Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
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I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize