I just made out with a guy for $7.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
