Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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