MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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