so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
