i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
