How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
