Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
