The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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