If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
