I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
