Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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