Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
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I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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