I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
