i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
