you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
