Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
